11/7/2019

My intent for this blog is sharing honest emotions and thoughts about my journey through preparing and teaching a course on civil rights. However, honesty can be, and often is, difficult, especially when talking about matters of race. It would be easier, though not fully comfortable, to write about gender or disability—both topics I have taught and researched with less anxiety about what others will think of me or say about me.

I know from my own experiences and books like White Fragility that regardless of my “progressive” views about race, I was born and raised in a country founded on racism—one in which white supremacy reigns. Because of this, I cannot escape having racist thoughts. What I can do, however, is reflect on these and learn how to change them.

As a teacher, I am well aware that learning often comes in moments of discomfort. For me, transformation came in a moment of great discomfort regarding my race and whiteness. See forthcoming posts about my work as my institution’s faculty advisor for the Black Student Union (BSU) to learn more about how far I have come as an anti-racist. Read the blog as I move forward to see how much further I have to go.

I had grand plans to blog every night last weekend about what I was experiencing. After all, I was in the deep South for the first time and developing ideas for this spring class on civil rights. Instead of writing, I fought with technology for over an hour (I blame age on this) attempting to delete an image from my not yet published blog. Frustration with technology was easier than wrestling with myself, my feelings, my fears, my hopes.

As I struggle for honesty in sharing my experiences, please let me know if something I write sounds disingenuous or half-hearted. Above all else, I want this blog to be real, nitty-gritty and raw real. I sit here crying now as I think of the realness my BSU students have willingly shared with me about their lives as black and multi-racial people. Their generosity with telling me their truths has made me a better person; however, not a finished person. I need to check myself constantly in my personal life and work life. Ask myself how I am using my white privilege for good, how am I fighting racism as an agitator not only an ally, how am I, honestly, growing as a person to become someone true to my conscious.

I invite you to check me with honesty as I continue my journey.

An honest representation of who I am